Drop

How can I be in the same place over and over again, in a short loop. How can a cycle cut itself loose, like a rattlesnake I can hear my fingers tremble. When I stand here, my bare feet blistered from the heat. I cannot seem to fathom the endless terrains and my parched lips bleed. My throat hurts and I emit a faint gurgled gasp. Blood spurts from my lips, and I am here again. Where there is no one but me, running away from these hounds. I can only stop and stare back into myself.

I think that it is utterly ridiculous how easily I succumb to my whimsical whims. How easily I find myself looped back here again, falling into yet again another hole. Surprises, unhinged even, she says to me. He can only look at her and nod tightly. With pursed lips, I watch this whole exchange unfold and hid an audible snicker. I am weightless, it seems and nothing can faze me which is exactly how I want to be.

“You’re running away again”.

“No, I’m not”, I sigh. But of course, I don’t say this. I just sit here and listen to Mazzy Star, humming soft promises on my lips. My face irks me at times like this, never have you seen a better definition of a cool girl, I bet you. I can’t feel my fingers and my toes but things like that do not matter anymore. The only thing that matters is how my fingertips need to drum this table and how my toes keep wriggling in my socks.

These tiny pinpricks of light.

The candle that sits on my desk, it burns me. Wax pours over my stale body. I am sinking into the scorching sands again; it is too hot for me here. My body may be able to weather through this but my mind remains infallible to these thoughts. Why does my body betray me at even the slightest promise of an escape? My legs have turned into jelly and I have sunk into my chair, I seem to be rooted in all my wrongdoings and cannot stop.

“Wrong, you just don’t want to stop,” she snidely remarks.

“You are running away again”.

I knew I was but I did not need someone to point it out, or maybe I had stopped running and was now simply just tired.